Many tantrums are lost before the "no" is even said. It's like teaching someone to ride a bike while they're exhausted and hungry: the best technique in the world won't work on a worn-out body.
The four basics of the body
- 1
Sleep
Bedtime and nap times that look similar every day. Rubbing eyes, yawning and getting more wound up late in the day are signs of tiredness. Your bonus guide, Sleep & Tantrums, goes deeper on this one.
- 2
Hunger
A snack before leaving the house and before late afternoon. A lot of 5 p.m. tantrums are hunger.
- 3
Comfort
A wet diaper, being too hot or too cold, tight clothes. Discomfort turns into irritation fast.
- 4
Order
A very messy house, constant noise and a TV that's always on leave children more wound up.
Children calm down when they know what comes next. It's the surprise that sets off the crying. Three tools help:
Predictability tools
- 1
The 5-minute heads-up
"In five minutes, we're going home." Show five fingers. Then: "One more minute."
- 2
One ending signal
Always the same: a song, a "Bye-bye, playground!", a phone alarm. The signal decides, not you.
- 3
A picture routine
Four to six pictures on the wall (wake up, eat, play, bath, story, sleep). Your child can see what comes next.
This won't end every tantrum. But it clears away the ones that never needed to happen. It's the firm ground the anchor will hold on to.